If it's not one thing... It's my mother!

I'm understanding now why my mom died, three months after she was diagnosed with lung cancer in april 2001... I now believe subconsciously she knew since she had the patience of a gnat, she could never have tolerated these constant unnecessary tests, trails, and hoop jumping involved with cancer treatment!

Today's Chemo #4 down... but turns out it's not actually my last chemo, contrary to what my oncologist called and told me last week. Her associate today told me I will be going to my surgeon on Wednesday, for him to determine if he wants to do my surgery in about four weeks, then do more chemo, or if he will have me get two more chemo's before surgery, then surgery, then more chemo, then radiation!
Chemo # 4 went good tho, other than paperwork hassles... Today I got to Dallas at 9 but it still didn't help me get finished by 1 as I'd hoped. I usually get to Dallas for chemo at 12 and leave at 4, so I thought scheduling my chemo appointment to get there at 10, meant I would leave by 1-2, but no! First off, my oncologist assistant had inadvertently shredded my( and many others she said) lab work from the day before, BEFORE entering it in the computer, so I had to get lab results re-faxed from my PCP in Hamilton over to my Dallas oncologist and to Dallas City Medical where my chemo is infused!!! Then she had wrongly put my height as 5 ft, so the hospital had to call to verify and correct that, since I'm 5'7". Next she was off by 5 lbs on my weight, so that also required a call to be corrected... And naturally lunch hour interfered with returned calls from my Oncologists office of course!

If it's not one thing... it's another!

I feel great tho,( knock on wood) but have to go back tomorrow for an Neulasta injection from hell at 4pm, 24 hours after my chemo, to prevent me from again becoming neutropenic(risk of infection) for quite as long as I have been after every chemo, and also to help me be more able to heal when I do have the surgery! It increases bone marrow that cause the bones to swell and ache, but then cause Charlie horses from head to toe! Vicodin and muscle relaxer knocked me out for 4 hours at a time, but it didn't stop the painful muscle cramps in every muscle in my body for 10 bedridden miserably painful days!
Chemo #3 had been delayed because my  Dr didn't call it in with my lab results, my weight again was wrong, and my name wasn't on the order, so that too required them calling my Dr for verification and correction, so even tho I had arrived on time at noon, chemo still couldn't start till 4pm, so it took till 7 pm to finish!
Chemo #2: my Dr forgot to schedule with the hospitals on call Dr, on a holiday, that was her regular day off to start with, so chemo had to be postponed a week, after I drove 136 miles one way for nothing! Plus, I got a serious skin infection that my Dr wrote a prescription for, after explaining to me it was a bad infection that could get a worse infection on top of it, that could turn deadly with my neutraphenia, if it got in my blood stream. She failed to put an amount or dispensing directions on the Rx, and then our small town Pharmacy didn't have it, and then forgot to order it, so I called a Waco pharmacy 70 miles away and explained I would be driving that far for it, so they said they had a little that I could come for and they could get me started on the Rx. Then when I arrived, he refused to fill the prescription since my Dr did not have the amount or dispensing directions written on the prescription! I asked the pharmacist to please call my hometown pharmacy to verify what my Dr had prescribed to them over the phone, but he refused, and I left not only in misery, but also in tears. Two days later my hometown pharmacy filled the prescription, and my infection healed, thankfully! I reported the pharmacy to the BBB and received an apology and Visa gas card to replace 1/2 my double cab gas guzzling trucks gas for the wasted trip, and a $25 gift card to Red Lobster for my inconvenience. I much rather they had filled my prescription, but hope they seriously consider never treating anyone in such a desperate need so wrong again!
Chemo # 1, my Dr had forgotten to prescribe steroids to prevent my veins from blowing as the chemo enters them, and to fend off a lethal allergic reaction, till my friend had me call to get them, or chemo would not have even been given after driving 136 miles there for but. She also failed to tell me lab work is required 24 hours prior to chemo, so I got my lab work 48 hours to early and had to have it done again since I had it had been done needlessly to soon the first time! Wasted my time and my blood! Both which are pretty previous to me right now!

Then today's fiasco took the cake! Seems to me a cancer diagnosis should warrant a little bit of precious time consideration! Or is it just me!?!? I'm trying to sell my estate to move closer to the hospital but the Arc house apartment I was excited about getting will not be available unless I also have a home 45 or more miles away and is only for up to 90 days anyway, and I simply can't afford two places to live right now, for sure! Tomorrow, I'll be calling Texas Oncology, to see about switching chemotherapy midstream, as today's infusion nurse suggested, since three of my friends have had nothing but praise about them! I'm pretty sure if things start off on a bad foot and progressively continue to get worse ... "Here's your sign!" Sheesh!!! :-/ I am staying as upbeat as possible since whom knows, maybe these delays saved me from a wreck, or prevented some unforeseen disaster... but how much should I take when the cancer itself is enough to endure, without adding avoidable hassle and burden on top of having cancer! 

Cycle of living...


A man found a cocoon of a butterfly. One day a small opening .appeared; he sat and watched the butterfly for several hours as it struggled to force its body through that little hole. Then it seemed to stop making any progress. It appeared as if it had gotten as far as it could and it could go no farther.
Then the man decided to help the butterfly, so he took a pair of scissors and snipped off the remaining bit of the cocoon. The butterfly then emerged easily. But it had a swollen body and small, shriveled wings.
The man continued to watch the butterfly because he expected that, at any moment, the wings would enlarge and expand to be able to support the body, which would contract in time.
Neither happened! In fact, the butterfly spent the rest of its life crawling around with a swollen body and shriveled wings. It never was able to fly.
What the man in his kindness and haste did not understand was that the restricting cocoon and the struggle required for the butterfly. To get through the tiny opening were nature’s way of forcing fluid from the body of the butterfly into its wings, so that it would be ready for flight once it achieved its freedom from the cocoon.
Sometimes struggles are exactly what we need in our life. If nature allowed us to go through our life without any obstacles, it would cripple us. We would not be as strong as what we could have been. And we could never fly.

Victorian Happy Camper I designed & painted for a client...

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